Recording the biggest single-day loss in a year and a half of trading US stocks

I started buying US stocks just after April last year. The position was very small, but my risk tolerance was terrible. I bought Google at 180, held 30 shares, and when it dropped to 140, I cut my losses. Intel was over 20, dropped to 14, and I cut my losses even after it recovered a bit. Later, I bought Micron at 120. These got me trapped. I sold them as soon as I broke even. The rhythm was off; I couldn't time anything right. Back then, even with tiny positions, I'd worry for no reason. I didn't know how to use margin at all. My portfolio was capped at twenty or thirty thousand dollars, and I'd cry bloody murder over a loss of a few hundred. I have to say, after more than a year of this grind, I've grown (but I really didn't want this kind of growth). While others are making huge profits in the US market, I've been struggling just to break even. I was pretty calm when the 612 policy came out, planning to liquidate and quit. Honestly, I haven't made money in US stocks, and it affects my sleep. I started reducing positions yesterday, cleared out ggll and mdb, and paid back the margin portion. But then, before the market opened yesterday, Rklb surged, and I thought things were looking up again. I sold some positions at 121 and bought back at 120. Little did I know this was one of my chances to escape, and I got greedy for more. After the market opened, other stocks plummeted, but the optical module sector was actually rising. The Aaoi and Crdo I held were rising, basically covering the losses from my other holdings. That's when I messed up again. Instead of liquidating, I added to axtx, thinking it would always follow Aaoi and recover. Yeah, I'm really greedy. I also added to the triple gold miner gdxu, and that part started using margin again. Before bed, it felt like things were turning around, and my account was only down a few hundred dollars. I woke up to a loss of over four thousand. Since my Futu account is currently down eight thousand, it means right now, I'm back on the road to breaking even. If only I had seized those few chances to escape instead of adding to positions, it would have been perfect. My planned liquidation was executed terribly, which is also related to my own laziness. Unemployed and unwilling to work, not following plans to structure my life, plans always just on paper. This time, I really need to reflect deeply on myself as a person, and record this nonsense while I'm still clear-headed. Let's see if I can make a change this time. I don't even want to socialize on weekends. After becoming unemployed and trading stocks, I've stopped actively contacting many friends. My sense of self-worth is rock bottom. I feel like I've let my family down. Although this money isn't the family's core asset, I can't find my own sense of existence or value. That's what's really breaking me down.

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