<p>MaiPham 在她位於紐約的公寓中細緻地重現了她的童年卧室——也許是作為一種定期逃避現實的工具，因為她並不在裏面睡覺。</p>
<p>一張 “別打擾我” 的邁莉·賽勒斯海報掛在門上，牆上貼滿了青少年偶像的海報，而她在 7 歲時首次在 YouTube 視頻中拆封的 Littlest Pet Shop 玩偶則靜靜守護着。YouTuber 的願景板上有 200 萬訂閲者的模擬圖，暗示着她曾渴望實現的夢想。如今，她的訂閲者已超過 300 萬。這個粉色的房間充滿了她青春期的片段，是她曾經的那個女孩的玩樂檔案。</p>
<p>但我在採訪時所站的房間不僅僅是她童年卧室的複製品。它是一個精心構建的場景，22 歲的她在這裏錄製她的播客 “MaiSpace”。每一個細節都是她曾經的孩子的見證，以及她希望擁有的房間。她成長的卧室常常讓她感到窒息和被監視；而這個房間則是相反的，它是一個她終於可以按照自己的方式分享故事的空間。<strong>（觀看上面的視頻。）</strong></p>
<p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/HBTH340YjJgGSIVS.WdiWw--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/511b0cc6effb5f28eeb5d41a2eb77b27?x-oss-process=image/auto-orient,1/interlace,1/resize,w_1440,h_1440/quality,q_95/format,jpg" alt="" original-src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/HBTH340YjJgGSIVS.WdiWw--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/511b0cc6effb5f28eeb5d41a2eb77b27"/></p>
<p>網絡名人 Mai Pham，播客 “MaiSpace” 的主持人，和她母親送給她的玩具動物一起擺姿勢，背景是她在紐約市重現的童年卧室。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 拍攝。</p>
<p>“我覺得作為一個孩子，我內心有很多悲傷，” 她告訴我。“老實説，只要我能記得的時間，我就一直很沮喪。但我內心也有一束光——一種快樂，一種創造和做孩子的渴望。”</p>
<p>這個房間是對她年輕時的回應，是對她作為孩子時所感受到的侷限和孤獨的温柔反駁。她在談話時，手勢指向周圍的紀念品、紀念物和曾經提供自由一瞥的紙片。“我一直喜歡裝飾，我做過房間巡禮之類的，但我的房間並不像這樣。”</p>
<p>在她實際的童年家中，她渴望的幻想卧室在技術上是存在的——但它屬於她的姐姐，姐姐的房間裏有叮噹作響的珠寶、光鮮的名人照片，以及讓人感覺無比成熟的雜亂。</p>
<p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/Lhegd6la_bCazEoQ2erVjQ--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/6d585b1ce8a1e841f8ded6630a8040fb?x-oss-process=image/auto-orient,1/interlace,1/resize,w_1440,h_1440/quality,q_95/format,jpg" alt="" original-src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/Lhegd6la_bCazEoQ2erVjQ--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/6d585b1ce8a1e841f8ded6630a8040fb"/></p>
<p>“我一直喜歡裝飾，我做過房間巡禮之類的，但我的房間並不像這樣，” Pham 談到她的空間時説。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 拍攝。</p>
<p>作為一個小女孩，Pham 會偷偷溜進那個房間，用她的相機拍攝 “早晨例行”。在屏幕上，短短几分鐘裏，她顯得更成熟、更酷，已經在過着她渴望的女孩生活。</p>
<p>播客的佈景是一種願望的實現。她終於可以成為那個在酷房間裏的女孩。“我真的很想為自己重現這一點，” 她説。“我還貼上了很多我以前的願景板和舊音樂會門票，這樣我就可以看到我走了多遠。我還重新買了很多我一直想要的玩具。”</p>
<p>對於現在觀看她的人來説，Pham 的故事始於互聯網。一個青少年女孩記錄她的日常，邊折衣服邊跟着播放列表唱歌，敍述高中和早期成年生活的起伏。但她為何將生活搬到網上的故事則要早得多，始於加拿大阿爾伯塔省的一個小鎮。</p>
<p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/3oAB1Icifh6t_kzk1jlcLw--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/da74ee954e3d12621518d191e4db6ab9?x-oss-process=image/auto-orient,1/interlace,1/resize,w_1440,h_1440/quality,q_95/format,jpg" alt="" original-src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/3oAB1Icifh6t_kzk1jlcLw--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/da74ee954e3d12621518d191e4db6ab9"/></p>
<p>“我從來沒有真正擁有過家庭的動態，我感到非常個體化，” Pham 説，她的父母是從越南移民到加拿大的。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 拍攝。</p>
<p>“我在一個非常小的鎮子上長大……那裏的白人佔絕大多數，除了可能有我的表親之類的人。我想在那個時候，我並不知道有什麼不同，所以感覺很正常。但我覺得這可能影響了我現在的關係，因為在我年輕的時候，我從來沒有被選擇過。”</p>
<p>“被選擇。” 這是一個簡單的詞，但對 Pham 來説，它承載着童年的渴望——不僅是在同齡人中，而是在她的家庭中，親密關係從未真正紮根。</p>
<p>在成長過程中，獨立似乎是一個遙不可及的夢想。Pham 在一個受保護的家庭中長大，目睹了她的父母，越南移民，努力經營他們的生意。她的父親是八個孩子中僅有的兩個兒子之一，被視為 “金童”，他的舒適和成功被優先考慮，而她的母親，她對母親的描述充滿了温情，試圖在家庭責任和重視犧牲而非個體的集體主義思維的狹窄框架內培養她。</p>
<p>她的祖母接手撫養 Pham 和她的兄弟姐妹，以便她的父母可以專注於工作，這種安排讓她感到更加孤立而非聯繫。“我從來沒有真正擁有過家庭的動態，我感到非常個體化，” 她説。“我甚至不被允許交朋友或和他們一起出去。這就是我上網的原因。”</p>
<p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/2bbJWX6YIn4urPgg8m12sQ--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/d323d23741b5430fb81287b3e08c7f1f?x-oss-process=image/auto-orient,1/interlace,1/resize,w_1440,h_1440/quality,q_95/format,jpg" alt="" original-src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/2bbJWX6YIn4urPgg8m12sQ--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/d323d23741b5430fb81287b3e08c7f1f"/></p>
<p>如今，Pham 在 YouTube 上擁有超過 300 萬的訂閲者。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 拍攝。</p>
<p>當 Pham 15 歲時，離家的時機感覺正好。她的哥哥首先搬了出去，隨着他的離開，撫養孩子的祖母覺得自己已經完成了責任。一天早晨，在父親對她大喊要她整理房間後，她將其視為離開的信號。“我讓朋友來接我，我真的就再也沒有回家。我在她的地下室裏睡覺，然後我就從那裏開始解決問題。”</p>
<p>在網上，Pham 在觀眾面前成長，觀眾看着她搬家、旅行以及經歷愛情和心碎。在離線的世界裏，處理她的家庭故事，尤其是那些仍然讓她痛苦的部分，花了更長的時間。四年前，她牆上那張只有她和媽媽的簡單照片條幅改變了一切。</p>
<p>當她告訴我這些時，她的聲音開始顫抖。“我意識到……總有一天她會去世，我會很討厭因為對我父親的仇恨而後悔沒有和她建立關係，” 她説。“如果我如此愛我的媽媽，我需要克服這一點……愛比恨更強大，我需要放下這一切。”</p>
<p>為了理解她的父母，她必須面對塑造他們的力量。他們總是在工作。她父親的母親通過接管撫養孩子的責任，推動她的兒子過上 “輕鬆” 的生活，而她的媽媽則被鼓勵優先考慮丈夫和家庭，而不是孩子。在這種背景下，Pham 的媽媽從未真正以她可能想要的方式做母親，而她在成長過程中感受到的距離，更多的是因為每個人都在履行角色，幾乎沒有親密的空間。</p>
<p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/F4z2SP7R72I7iFCv1IvcmA--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/59ea927d2aed4b8f355e922fe203b577?x-oss-process=image/auto-orient,1/interlace,1/resize,w_1440,h_1440/quality,q_95/format,jpg" alt="" original-src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/F4z2SP7R72I7iFCv1IvcmA--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/59ea927d2aed4b8f355e922fe203b577"/></p>
<p>Pham 在家中與一尊讓她想起祖母的佛像旁擺姿勢拍照。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 提供</p>
<p>在那間紐約公寓裏，她審視自己所建立的一切：獨立、事業、實現的夢想。“我當時想，我在生活中處於一個相當不錯的地方，我實現了很多夢想，” 她説。“如果我沒有人可以分享這一切，那做這一切有什麼意義？”</p>
<p>儘管經歷了許多傷痛，她無法忽視家人給予的支持：當她需要幫助時，哥哥飛來幫她，姐姐在她無處可去時與她合租公寓。“每當我需要幫助時，他們總是在我身邊，” Pham 説。因此，她拿起電話，哭着告訴他們：“我們需要一起過聖誕節。”</p>
<p>她為每個人買了機票，大約三年前，他們慶祝了自她 15 歲搬出以來的第一個真正的家庭聖誕節。</p>
<p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/Wy97nWSLDwXCwGJlz7zbKA--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/7a7f30a8b1fa4ec222c7642d8d14719c?x-oss-process=image/auto-orient,1/interlace,1/resize,w_1440,h_1440/quality,q_95/format,jpg" alt="" original-src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/Wy97nWSLDwXCwGJlz7zbKA--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/7a7f30a8b1fa4ec222c7642d8d14719c"/></p>
<p>互聯網名人 Mai Pham 的家庭照片，她是播客 MaiSpace 的主持人，和她的父母及兄弟姐妹在她位於紐約的家中合影。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 提供</p>
<p>重建的童年卧室現在有了新的共鳴。在與家人重建關係後，在那裏錄製播客感覺既有意圖又深具意義。</p>
<p>被曾經貼在願景板上的夢想的證據所包圍，Pham 也在練習一種不同的回憶。曾經感覺像是陷阱的房間，現在是她的想象力和創造力蓬勃發展的地方。“回顧我所取得的成就對我來説非常重要，但也要被年輕的我所包圍……我不再把我的童年卧室視為一個讓我感到被困的黑暗地方，而是看到它是一個如此美麗的地方，發生瞭如此多的創造。”</p>
<p><strong>在 HuffPost 上閲讀原文</strong></p>

谷歌-C

谷歌-A

<p>梅·範（Mai Pham），一位 YouTube 明星，在她位於紐約市的公寓中重現了她的童年卧室，以用於她的播客 “MaiSpace”。這個房間反映了她的過去，成為她分享 15 歲離家和重新與家人聯繫故事的空間。它突顯了她從加拿大阿爾伯塔省一個小鎮出發的旅程</p>

<p>MaiPhamhas meticulously recreated her childhood bedroom in her New York apartment — perhaps as a vehicle for periodic escapism, since she doesn’t sleep in it.</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>MaiPham 在她位於紐約的公寓中細緻地重現了她的童年卧室——也許是作為一種定期逃避現實的工具，因為她並不在裏面睡覺。</p>
</div><p>A “Don’t Bug Me” Miley Cyrus poster hangs on the door, teen heartthrobs plaster the walls, and Littlest Pet Shop figurines — the same ones she unboxed in her first YouTube video at age 7 — keep watch. The YouTuber’s vision board, complete with a mock-up of 2 million subscribers, hints at dreams she once longed to manifest. Today, she has more than 3 million. The pink room brims with fragments of her adolescence, a playful archive of the girl she used to be.</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>一張 “別打擾我” 的邁莉·賽勒斯海報掛在門上，牆上貼滿了青少年偶像的海報，而她在 7 歲時首次在 YouTube 視頻中拆封的 Littlest Pet Shop 玩偶則靜靜守護着。YouTuber 的願景板上有 200 萬訂閲者的模擬圖，暗示着她曾渴望實現的夢想。如今，她的訂閲者已超過 300 萬。這個粉色的房間充滿了她青春期的片段，是她曾經的那個女孩的玩樂檔案。</p>
</div><p>But the room I’m standing in as I interview her is not just a replica of her childhood bedroom. It is a carefully constructed set where the 22-year-old records her podcast, “MaiSpace.” Each detail is a testament to the child she once was and the room she wished she’d had. The bedroom she grew up in often felt suffocating and watched; this one is built to be the opposite, a space where she can finally share her story on her own terms. <strong>(Watch the video above.)</strong></p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>但我在採訪時所站的房間不僅僅是她童年卧室的複製品。它是一個精心構建的場景，22 歲的她在這裏錄製她的播客 “MaiSpace”。每一個細節都是她曾經的孩子的見證，以及她希望擁有的房間。她成長的卧室常常讓她感到窒息和被監視；而這個房間則是相反的，它是一個她終於可以按照自己的方式分享故事的空間。<strong>（觀看上面的視頻。）</strong></p>
</div><p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/HBTH340YjJgGSIVS.WdiWw--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/511b0cc6effb5f28eeb5d41a2eb77b27" alt="" original-src="https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/HBTH340YjJgGSIVS.WdiWw--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/511b0cc6effb5f28eeb5d41a2eb77b27"/></p>
<p>Internet personality Mai Pham, host of the podcast &#34;MaiSpace,&#34; poses for a portrait with a stuffed animal her mother gave her, in a room she recreated to resemble her childhood bedroom in New York City. Shuran Huang for HuffPost</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>網絡名人 Mai Pham，播客 “MaiSpace” 的主持人，和她母親送給她的玩具動物一起擺姿勢，背景是她在紐約市重現的童年卧室。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 拍攝。</p>
</div><p>“I think as a child, I had a lot of sadness in me,” she tells me. “Honestly, for as long as I can remember, I was pretty depressed. But there was also a light in me — a joy, a desire to create and be a kid.”</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>“我覺得作為一個孩子，我內心有很多悲傷，” 她告訴我。“老實説，只要我能記得的時間，我就一直很沮喪。但我內心也有一束光——一種快樂，一種創造和做孩子的渴望。”</p>
</div><p>The room is an answer to that younger version of herself, a lovingly staged rebuttal to the limitations and loneliness she felt as a child. As she talks, she gestures around her at the memorabilia, keepsakes and scraps of paper that once offered glimpses of freedom beyond her family home. “I always loved decorating, and I did room tours and stuff, but my room didn’t look like this.”</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>這個房間是對她年輕時的回應，是對她作為孩子時所感受到的侷限和孤獨的温柔反駁。她在談話時，手勢指向周圍的紀念品、紀念物和曾經提供自由一瞥的紙片。“我一直喜歡裝飾，我做過房間巡禮之類的，但我的房間並不像這樣。”</p>
</div><p>In her actual childhood home, the fantasy bedroom she longed for technically existed — but it belonged to her older sister, whose room had jangling jewelry, glossy photos of celebrities and the kind of clutter that made it feel impossibly grown-up.</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>在她實際的童年家中，她渴望的幻想卧室在技術上是存在的——但它屬於她的姐姐，姐姐的房間裏有叮噹作響的珠寶、光鮮的名人照片，以及讓人感覺無比成熟的雜亂。</p>
</div><p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/Lhegd6la_bCazEoQ2erVjQ--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/6d585b1ce8a1e841f8ded6630a8040fb" alt="" original-src="https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/Lhegd6la_bCazEoQ2erVjQ--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/6d585b1ce8a1e841f8ded6630a8040fb"/></p>
<p>&#34;I always loved decorating, and I did room tours and stuff, but my room didn’t look like this,&#34; Pham says of her space. Shuran Huang for HuffPost</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>“我一直喜歡裝飾，我做過房間巡禮之類的，但我的房間並不像這樣，” Pham 談到她的空間時説。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 拍攝。</p>
</div><p>As a little girl, Pham would sneak into that room with her camera and film a “morning routine.” On screen, for a few stolen minutes, she was older, cooler, already living the version of girlhood she craved.</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>作為一個小女孩，Pham 會偷偷溜進那個房間，用她的相機拍攝 “早晨例行”。在屏幕上，短短几分鐘裏，她顯得更成熟、更酷，已經在過着她渴望的女孩生活。</p>
</div><p>The podcast set is a kind of wish fulfillment. She finally gets to be the girl in the cool room. “I really wanted to recreate that for myself,” she says. “And I also put up a lot of my old vision boards and old concert tickets so, like, I can see how far I’ve come as well. And I’ve also, like, re-bought a lot of the toys that I always wanted.”</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>播客的佈景是一種願望的實現。她終於可以成為那個在酷房間裏的女孩。“我真的很想為自己重現這一點，” 她説。“我還貼上了很多我以前的願景板和舊音樂會門票，這樣我就可以看到我走了多遠。我還重新買了很多我一直想要的玩具。”</p>
</div><p>For people who watch her now, Pham’s story begins on the internet. A teenage girl vlogging her days, folding laundry while singing along to her playlist, narrating the push and pull of high school and early adulthood. But the story behind why she took her life online starts much earlier, in a tiny town in Alberta, Canada.</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>對於現在觀看她的人來説，Pham 的故事始於互聯網。一個青少年女孩記錄她的日常，邊折衣服邊跟着播放列表唱歌，敍述高中和早期成年生活的起伏。但她為何將生活搬到網上的故事則要早得多，始於加拿大阿爾伯塔省的一個小鎮。</p>
</div><p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/3oAB1Icifh6t_kzk1jlcLw--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/da74ee954e3d12621518d191e4db6ab9" alt="" original-src="https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/3oAB1Icifh6t_kzk1jlcLw--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/da74ee954e3d12621518d191e4db6ab9"/></p>
<p>“I never really had a family dynamic, and I felt very individualistic,” Pham, whose parents immigrated from Vietnam to Canada, said of her childhood. Shuran Huang for HuffPost</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>“我從來沒有真正擁有過家庭的動態，我感到非常個體化，” Pham 説，她的父母是從越南移民到加拿大的。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 拍攝。</p>
</div><p>“I grew up in a really small town. … It was all white people, aside from maybe like my cousin or something. I think at the time, I didn’t know any different, so it felt normal. But I think that maybe it’s affected the way that I have relationships now, because when I was younger, I was never really chosen too often.”</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>“我在一個非常小的鎮子上長大……那裏的白人佔絕大多數，除了可能有我的表親之類的人。我想在那個時候，我並不知道有什麼不同，所以感覺很正常。但我覺得這可能影響了我現在的關係，因為在我年輕的時候，我從來沒有被選擇過。”</p>
</div><p>“Chosen.” It’s a simple word, but for Pham, it carries the weight of childhood longing — not just among peers, but within her family, where closeness never fully took root.</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>“被選擇。” 這是一個簡單的詞，但對 Pham 來説，它承載着童年的渴望——不僅是在同齡人中，而是在她的家庭中，親密關係從未真正紮根。</p>
</div><p>Growing up, independence felt like a distant dream. Raised in a sheltered household, Pham watched her parents, immigrants from Vietnam, work tirelessly to run their business. Her father, one of only two sons in a family of eight, was treated as the “golden child,” his comfort and success prioritized above all else, while her mother, whom she speaks of fondly, tried to nurture her within the narrow confines of family duty and a collectivist mentality that prized sacrifice over individuality.</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>在成長過程中，獨立似乎是一個遙不可及的夢想。Pham 在一個受保護的家庭中長大，目睹了她的父母，越南移民，努力經營他們的生意。她的父親是八個孩子中僅有的兩個兒子之一，被視為 “金童”，他的舒適和成功被優先考慮，而她的母親，她對母親的描述充滿了温情，試圖在家庭責任和重視犧牲而非個體的集體主義思維的狹窄框架內培養她。</p>
</div><p>Her grandmother stepped in to raise Pham and her siblings so her parents could focus on work, an arrangement that left her feeling more isolated than connected. “I never really had a family dynamic, and I felt very individualistic,” she says. “I wasn’t even allowed to have friends or hang out with them. That’s why I got on the internet.”</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>她的祖母接手撫養 Pham 和她的兄弟姐妹，以便她的父母可以專注於工作，這種安排讓她感到更加孤立而非聯繫。“我從來沒有真正擁有過家庭的動態，我感到非常個體化，” 她説。“我甚至不被允許交朋友或和他們一起出去。這就是我上網的原因。”</p>
</div><p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/2bbJWX6YIn4urPgg8m12sQ--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/d323d23741b5430fb81287b3e08c7f1f" alt="" original-src="https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/2bbJWX6YIn4urPgg8m12sQ--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/d323d23741b5430fb81287b3e08c7f1f"/></p>
<p>Today, Pham has more than 3 million subscribers on YouTube. Shuran Huang for HuffPost</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>如今，Pham 在 YouTube 上擁有超過 300 萬的訂閲者。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 拍攝。</p>
</div><p>By the time Pham was 15, the timing felt right to leave home. Her older brother had moved out first, and with him gone, her grandmother, who had raised the children, felt she’d completed her responsibility. One morning, after her father yelled at her to clean her room, she saw it as a sign to leave. “I got my friend to pick me up, and I literally just never went back home. I slept in her basement, and I figured it out from there.”</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>當 Pham 15 歲時，離家的時機感覺正好。她的哥哥首先搬了出去，隨着他的離開，撫養孩子的祖母覺得自己已經完成了責任。一天早晨，在父親對她大喊要她整理房間後，她將其視為離開的信號。“我讓朋友來接我，我真的就再也沒有回家。我在她的地下室裏睡覺，然後我就從那裏開始解決問題。”</p>
</div><p>Online, Pham came of age in front of an audience that watched her move out, travel and navigate love and heartbreak. Offline, the work of processing her family story, the parts that still hurt, took much longer. Then, four years ago, a simple photo strip on her wall of just her and her mom shifted everything.</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>在網上，Pham 在觀眾面前成長，觀眾看着她搬家、旅行以及經歷愛情和心碎。在離線的世界裏，處理她的家庭故事，尤其是那些仍然讓她痛苦的部分，花了更長的時間。四年前，她牆上那張只有她和媽媽的簡單照片條幅改變了一切。</p>
</div><p>As she tells me this, her voice starts to waver. “I realized … one day she’s gonna pass away, and I would hate to regret not having a relationship with her because of a hate for my dad,” she says. “If I love my mom so much, I need to get over this … love is stronger than hate, and I need to let that go.”</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>當她告訴我這些時，她的聲音開始顫抖。“我意識到……總有一天她會去世，我會很討厭因為對我父親的仇恨而後悔沒有和她建立關係，” 她説。“如果我如此愛我的媽媽，我需要克服這一點……愛比恨更強大，我需要放下這一切。”</p>
</div><p>To understand her parents, she had to reckon with the forces that shaped them. They were always working. Her father’s mother had pushed her son toward an “easy” life by taking over the child-rearing, and her mom was urged to prioritize her husband and the household over her children. In that context, Pham’s mom never truly got to mother in the way she might have wanted, and the distance she felt growing up was less about a lack of love than about everyone fulfilling roles that left little room for closeness.</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>為了理解她的父母，她必須面對塑造他們的力量。他們總是在工作。她父親的母親通過接管撫養孩子的責任，推動她的兒子過上 “輕鬆” 的生活，而她的媽媽則被鼓勵優先考慮丈夫和家庭，而不是孩子。在這種背景下，Pham 的媽媽從未真正以她可能想要的方式做母親，而她在成長過程中感受到的距離，更多的是因為每個人都在履行角色，幾乎沒有親密的空間。</p>
</div><p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/F4z2SP7R72I7iFCv1IvcmA--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/59ea927d2aed4b8f355e922fe203b577" alt="" original-src="https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/F4z2SP7R72I7iFCv1IvcmA--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/59ea927d2aed4b8f355e922fe203b577"/></p>
<p>Pham poses for a portrait beside a Buddha statue that reminds her of her grandmother, at her home. Shuran Huang for HuffPost</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>Pham 在家中與一尊讓她想起祖母的佛像旁擺姿勢拍照。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 提供</p>
</div><p>Alone in that New York apartment, she took stock of everything she had built: the independence, the career, the dreams that had come true. “I was like, I’m at a pretty good place in my life, and I’ve achieved a lot of my dreams,” she says. “What’s the point of doing all of this if I have no one to share it with?”</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>在那間紐約公寓裏，她審視自己所建立的一切：獨立、事業、實現的夢想。“我當時想，我在生活中處於一個相當不錯的地方，我實現了很多夢想，” 她説。“如果我沒有人可以分享這一切，那做這一切有什麼意義？”</p>
</div><p>For all the hurt, she could not ignore the ways her family had shown up: her brother flying in to help her when she needed it, her sister splitting an apartment with her when she had nowhere else to go. “Every time I needed help, they were always there for me,” Pham says. So she picked up the phone, sobbing, and told them, “We need to do Christmas together.”</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>儘管經歷了許多傷痛，她無法忽視家人給予的支持：當她需要幫助時，哥哥飛來幫她，姐姐在她無處可去時與她合租公寓。“每當我需要幫助時，他們總是在我身邊，” Pham 説。因此，她拿起電話，哭着告訴他們：“我們需要一起過聖誕節。”</p>
</div><p>She bought plane tickets for everyone, and about three years ago, they celebrated their first real family Christmas since she moved out at 15.</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>她為每個人買了機票，大約三年前，他們慶祝了自她 15 歲搬出以來的第一個真正的家庭聖誕節。</p>
</div><p><img src="https://imageproxy.pbkrs.com/https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/Wy97nWSLDwXCwGJlz7zbKA--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/7a7f30a8b1fa4ec222c7642d8d14719c" alt="" original-src="https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/Wy97nWSLDwXCwGJlz7zbKA--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTEyNDI7aD04Mjg-/https://media.zenfs.com/en/the_huffington_post_584/7a7f30a8b1fa4ec222c7642d8d14719c"/></p>
<p>A family photo of internet personality Mai Pham, host of the podcast MaiSpace, with her parents and siblings as seen in her home in New York. Shuran Huang for HuffPost</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>互聯網名人 Mai Pham 的家庭照片，她是播客 MaiSpace 的主持人，和她的父母及兄弟姐妹在她位於紐約的家中合影。Shuran Huang 為 HuffPost 提供</p>
</div><p>The re-created childhood bedroom resonates in a new way now. After rebuilding her relationship with her family, recording the podcast there feels both intentional and deeply meaningful.</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>重建的童年卧室現在有了新的共鳴。在與家人重建關係後，在那裏錄製播客感覺既有意圖又深具意義。</p>
</div><p>Surrounded by the evidence of dreams once pinned to vision boards, Pham also practices a different kind of remembering. The room that once felt like a trap is now a place where her imagination and creativity flourish. “It’s really important for me to look back at the things that I’ve accomplished, but also be surrounded by younger me … Instead of seeing my childhood bedroom as a dark place that I literally felt trapped in, I can see it as what a beautiful place that so much creation happened.”</p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p>被曾經貼在願景板上的夢想的證據所包圍，Pham 也在練習一種不同的回憶。曾經感覺像是陷阱的房間，現在是她的想象力和創造力蓬勃發展的地方。“回顧我所取得的成就對我來説非常重要，但也要被年輕的我所包圍……我不再把我的童年卧室視為一個讓我感到被困的黑暗地方，而是看到它是一個如此美麗的地方，發生瞭如此多的創造。”</p>
</div><p><strong>Read the original on HuffPost</strong></p>
<div class="lb-trans"><p><strong>在 HuffPost 上閲讀原文</strong></p>
</div>

Inside Mai Pham’s Re-Created Childhood Bedroom: From YouTube Dreams To Family Healing

- Mai Pham 在紐約公寓重建了童年卧室，作為逃避現實的空間。  
- 她的播客 “MaiSpace” 在此錄製，展現了她的成長與夢想。  
- 經過與家人的和解，重建的卧室成為創造與回憶的美好場所。

在 Mai Pham 重現的童年卧室中：從 YouTube 夢想到家庭治癒