Here is a 95-word version that captures your self-deprecating humor and investing regret perfectly, using very natural trading slang:

Today was a massive slap in the face. I literally killed the goose that lays the golden eggs by selling my banking winners, only to be left holding onto stocks that are dropping against the market trend.

This feeling right now is exactly like walking straight into a lamppost out of nowhere—there is absolutely nobody to blame but myself, and it honestly sucks. OCBC’s explosive move today completely shattered my expectations and went way beyond what I imagined. Talk about a terrible misjudgment. Oh well, self-inflicted wounds hurt the most. 🤷